Identifying who you children are!

So- you want your children to grow up right, right? You might want them to be strong, independent thinkers who have a crazy love for God and country. You might want them to be tough, love their home state and be proud of their football team. You might want them to be crazy about giving to those in need and have a passion for reading. You might want them to know that their family is there for them, and support their decisions and will love them even if some of their choices bring consequences that are unpleasant, right?

Then tell them who they are! I'll share how we do it, and you fill in the blanks and do the same-- I tell you, you'll be amazed at the results.

We are leaving the zoo a few months ago, and it's about 98 degrees at 1030 am. The boys are complaing that they are hot. Too hot to walk. Burning up. They are going on and on. So dad turns and says, "You need to stop gritching. We are Okies. Okies are tough. This means we can stand a little heat, unlike the French." The boys laugh, and guess what... they stop complaining. With in a few days, BOTH boys referenced a hardship they were dealing with, but then said, "I guess I can do this though, since I'm an Okie."

We do this all the time, but with other "ID's" for the kids. Our main goal is to teach our children what it IS to be a follower of Christ. We will idenitfy behaviors that match that idenitfication, and tell the boys this is why we do what we do. Example of this, "We just gave that family some money. Do you know why? Because they needed help to feed their kids. And helping to feed kids, well that is something CHRISTIANS do." "Mommy and Daddy are giving money to the Lifestraw people to help the kids in other countries have clean water to drink. This is what God asks us to do, help widows and orphans. We do this because this is something Christians do."

We do this for all sorts of things. We explain things we do to the kids as "because we are... xxx.... we are doing... yyy..." and we include them in all that. The boys help send the money to the folks in need. They are the ones handing the water out the window of the car to the very nice homeless guy in the orange vest (which, btw, is the ONLY homeless guy around we give to. Mommy has also explained that "mentally healthy, physically healthy" people can get a job and should not beg for money.)

I help my kids know who they are, they are Bennetts. And Bennetts stick together, help others, and love God. My children are building an identity that is going to stick with them long after they leave home and no longer have to depend on me. They will know not just what they are doing, but WHY they are doing it. They will be able to find their identity in what Christ says about them and check those negative words from others or thoughts they have about themselves against what they KNOW. I love that.

So, ID for your kids who they are while they are still young. Explain to them why that ID fits for both you and your child. It's amazing how kids are seeking an identity, and wouldn't you rather YOU help your kiddo find that while still young and under your care, than finding it at 15 when their friends are deciding it for them? Just sayin'. 

Fast lessons on Grace.

I don't read long posts. They annoy me. I have things to do w. my time. So, here's the quick and dirty version of what I told Sam last night as he cried over his sin...

God loves you. He doesn't love you after you do right. He loves you always. He doesn't wait for you to be perfect. He doesn't need you to perform. He loves you now. Just as you are.

IN YOUR SIN, he loves you. (Rm 5:8)

Doing "good works" or "right" isn't done out of obligation. It's not done to avoid punishment. It's done from a place of love. We love God so we want to do good for Him. Take me for example. I am a mommy. And everyday I feed you. I keep your clothes clean and make sure you get a bath. I kiss you and help you with homework. I don't do any of this because I want to keep DHS from taking you. That's not my motivation. I do all these things because I love you. Because I want to protect you and show you how much I love and adore you. My motivation is not fear but love.

GRACE. It begins and ends with grace. You can not do enough wrong or do enough right. Good people do NOT earn a place in the kingdom. Forgiven sinners do. (Mark 2:17)

Seeking courage...

There is this amazing woman in the bible, and I bet she never knew just how incredible she was. She is known as the bleeding woman. Luke reports that the woman had been hemorrhaging for 12 years when this story happens. Mark says she had "endured much" seeking treatment from physicians of the day. God only knows what she went through. The humiliation, the sadness, what she had to do to try and heal herself... And not only was her heart spent, she spent all her money, seeking advice and council trying to stop her bleeding. And it had only gotten worse according to the accounts. She was "unclean" because of her bleeding. Under Jewish law, she couldn't touch others, she wasn't allowed to engage in normal activities, because of her bleeding.

I can only begin to imagine how sad she must have been. How desperate. I can't imagine her heartache. Her pain from bleeding for a decade! TWELVE YEARS. Such a horribly long time.

At the point we pick up on the story, Jesus is making his way through a crowd. This bleeding woman, knowing she shouldn't, knowing she is breaking biblical law, reaches out to Jesus and touches the hem of his garment. In Matthew 9, he reports v21, "for she was saying to herself, "If I only touch His garment, I shall get well." And so she did. The moment she reached out and touched him, in the midst of a throng of people all mashed up against Him, she was healed. The bleeding stopped. Twelve years of pain and sadness and hopelessness, gone. Done. Healed. But the story doesn't stop there...

Mark 5:30, "...'Who touched my garments?'"

Oh God. She's busted. She didn't just get to sneak in, get healed and run out! She got so busted by Christ who FELT her. He knew. Now, His disciples are like "Umm... seriously. There are a million people around you." But Christ knew. And He looked around to find her. See, He knew HER. This is where it gets SO awesome.

vs. 33 "But the woman fearing and trembling, aware of what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him, and told Him the whole truth." --WOW. What bravery she displayed! How amazing. She was SO BRAVE. She swallowed hard and stood up and facing unknown consequences from this mob of people and this rabbi and his disciples... She, with amazing courage, came forward. OH! To be so brave as to bare my soul to Him... for in doing so... this is My King's reply to her...

vs. 34, "And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed in your affliction.'" In Matthew 9:22 He says, "Take courage; your faith has made you well."

He calls her daughter. He calls her daughter. She, scared and desperate and hoping and knowing this will work when all else has failed, she is drawn in by my King, my Savior and he not only heals her, giving her back her life, he knows her and calls her daughter.

This. This is the courage I seek. Father! I want to expose my weakness to you- stop hiding my heart- come in courage to you... for my God, while the world may break us apart for our uncleanness... you draw us in. This is what just grips me about her! She is no different than we are today. We are unclean. We are sad and seeking out ways to fix ourselves, when- if we would just find the courage to seek you out- you give us our lives back! There is no fear in You. You bring us closer and cover us and heal us and make us whole and new and... you call us Yours. Thank you Father for your love, for your son, for your mercy, for your power, for your grace.

Thank you for calling me daughter.

I. Love. This.

Acts 26. Paul (formerly Saul) goes before King Agrippa to defend himself. He gives his faith story (as my friend puts it) and explains what happened to him. It's amazing. He admits to what he was before that day on the road... He explains that as a Pharisee he not only sought to put the Christians in jail, but he did so often. He cast his vote in favor of killing those who were on the chopping block. He tried to force them to blaspheme, furiously enraged at them, pursuing them beyond his own land...

Then that fateful trip to Damascus, when the light from Heaven hit him and he was changed forever. Christ let him know that he had a purpose for Saul, to appoint him minister and witness for Christ! Giving him new life- a new purpose- a new name. Paul was born in that moment. And now, before the king, it was Paul who was on the chopping block.

He finishes his testimony, as Festus calls out "You're NUTS man!" Paul replies "No, I am sober and the king knows it." The king replies...

vs. 28, "And Agrippa replied to Paul, "In a short time you will persuade me to become a Christian."

This is where it gets SOOOO GOOD. Pauls response is something worthy of Shakespeare!!

vs. 29, "And Paul said, "I would to God, that whether in a short or long time, not only you, but also all who hear me this day, might become such as I am, except for these chains."

LOVE IT.

Okay. So, I have never been big on reading the bible right? To me, it was an overwhelming task. Each time I would start, I would be confronted with stuff I didn't understand. I always felt too, well, frankly, stupid to understand any of this stuff. I knew what I believed, I knew somewhere it said the stuff I believed in, I knew people I loved and respected believed and read the stuff in there... so why bother? I knew I was "suppose" to read the bible. I had people say I was "suppose" to spend time with God "in-His-word." (Total church speak, by the way.)

Then I found God. I found GRACE. I found a Love greater than LIFE and all of a sudden, I couldn't get enough. I started reading and couldn't put it down! It wasn't about reading the required number of pages, but I was getting to know my LOVE!


Pick it up. Actually dust off the book and READ a little of it. Download Youversion. Scroll thru the reading plans on your phone and pick one. Get a version of the bible that speaks to you. Go crazy. Cuz I am not the same person I was yesterday because I know Him better. I love Him so much more. I am more convicted and passionate and kind and honest and loving and trusting and just and forgiving and happy and, for crying out loud, FUNNIER than I have ever been before. And it's all because of Jesus. All because I now KNOW my God, I don't just know about him...


So... There ya go.

Dear Hilary,

The following is an account of my day. It's all true, I have outside sources to back it all up. Just in case you still think I don't work, check this out! :)

My day started at approximately 2 am. My husband got in bed, having spent the majority of his time once he got home from work- working on his 2nd job. I was up for about a half hour talking to him. It was about 3:30 am my middle son got into bed with us (along with 3 stuffed animals & a flashlight) and, to put himself back to sleep, needed to knead my back with his knees. Having not yet fallen back to sleep, my youngest, the 7 month old, decided she needed to have her pacifier back in her mouth & so I got up to do that about 4 am. She decided this again about every half hour after that, until she fell out for good about 6, which is about the time I got up for the day.

I got up and got dressed and headed to the gym. I spent an hour doing cardio and a little time on weights before I needed to rush back home. When I got home, I had to help get the boys ready for school, hunting up clean socks this morning and making sure hair was fixed. I then got two lunches ready (can't be done the night before or the pb&j will taste funny.) Husband hustled them out the door as I popped biscuits into the oven. I turned on the computer as I passed it, headed for the baby. Getting her changed & put into clean clothes, husband returned for his work computer and 2 of said biscuits (one of the ways we save money is eating from home, he takes his breakfast and lunch every day.) I get girl cleaned up, make exactly one cup of coffee (to go mind you,) and head out, baby in tow, to the kindergarten class.

I spend the better part of my morning reading with and testing little people in my youngest son's class. I help them sound out words and help them find new books once they complete the test. I do as many kids as I can, but always try to make them feel special and pay attention to each of them personally. As the baby goes nuts from being overtired, I excuse myself and drive home, putting the very annoyed little bit to bed. I race into the kitchen and grab a whole grain english muffin, which I wolf down as I pick up the mornings mess left by the two boys and husband... mind you, I have YET to sit down. I then run into the bathroom to start a shower, only to hear the little one waking up. So, I have to get her bottle ready (cleaning the nipple & putting the formula together and I mix in the rice cereal.) So, I feed her, running late, and get her strapped into the bouncy and she goes to the bathroom with me to play with her butterflies while I shower... NOT washing my hair, just showering.

I run around, get myself put together enough to be presentable, change little ones diaper & outfit as it's now covered in formula and we hit the road. I have a 1230 with a woman from a group I am meeting with and we do lunch at the same time. Less than an hour later, I am fighting to finish a small sandwich as I struggle to hold onto a 7 month old that is exhausted, but won't fall asleep until we get back in the car. At this point I realize the oldest son needs supplies for his project due tomorrow, so I run to Hobby Lobby and try to locate the craft supplies (the cheap ones, as I realize I have only $7 to my name, no credit cards at all, and my check-card is missing.) I get supplies and head out.

Arriving home, I leave the now sleeping baby in her seat, I have 20 min. before I need to get boys from school. I race around LIKE A LUNATIC trying to pick up a small portion of the house. (I can't start laundry as I have to be here when the washer runs, because when it drains it will overflow without assistance, and I can't afford to have that fixed just now.) SO, I clean, check mail and well, it's time to leave. I drive to the school (baby wakes up en route) and I get boys. I realize "It's PTL MEETING DAY!" So I drive around to the front and park, pulling all three kids back out. I sit in the meeting for 1.5 hrs, changing my daughter on the floor (had to be done) and leaving her with the teachers to check on the middle boy who has been in the bathroom for far too long. I am, by the way, the secretary of the PTL and one of a small handful of parents in attendance.

I get the kids home about 530 and start trying to help the oldest with his project. The younger boy asks me to read, but I am too busy making another bottle (cleaning and all) so he has to wait. I get her started eating and I start cooking. I start the washing machine with the whites and take the darks out of the dryer and put them on the "folding couch" as they'll have to wait while I am cooking. SO. I get food ready (fruits and veggies, chocolate milk with medicine for the little guy, tacos and cheese dip for everyone.) I call the boys to eat as dad gets home & I finish putting away clean dishes while they eat. Hubbs feeds the little one as I start putting dirty bottle, collars and pacifiers in the washer. Meanwhile I put the whites in the dryer and put the exersaucer seat and blanket the baby pooped on in the washer. I then finish packing the dishwasher, clean up the table from dinner and start cleaning the nipples (which have to be done by hand and this is a 30 min job.)

Husband starts washing kids as I finish those, I then make a 40 oz pitcher of formula and clean the countertops of the kitchen. THEN I get to start picking up the rest of the house, putting away the baby things, take out the trash, grab dad a washcloth for the baby, get her a bottle ready for after bath, get clean jammies and lotion out for her, grab underwear for the now clean boys. I THEN get to review for science and spelling test with the oldest kid AND read the new book with the 6 year old that he asked me to read with him several hours ago.

I have exactly 3 loads of laundry to fold waiting on me, a project my husband asked me to help him with a few days ago, and 2 boys who will ask me to come and scratch their backs in a matter of just a few min. My wonderful husband is currently working on his computer across the table from me as I type this out.

I must say, I am EXHAUSTED. I am TIRED TO THE BONE and I have at least another 2 hours worth of work to do before I can call it a day, only to begin it again tomorrow. I don't get time off or vacations- we simply can't afford it- because I don't get paid for my work. I hold a Masters degree. I can hold my own on topics like developmental psychology, pediatric neurology, religious theology and -certainly- history and politics. I could go make a ton of money but I have chosen, as my current career, to stay home while my kids are young and it is the hardest job I have ever had. I work my butt off. I serve on the boards and do the field trips so my mom friends who work can do just that- work. I do these things so they won't feel guilty- as they sometimes want to do- because they know someone is loving on their children when they can't be there. And I REALLY dislike you making this a war between factions of women. I respect the ever living crap out of my friends that work, and I take pics of their kids during the Easter party because they can't be there. But I work. I work so hard, every single day.

I work in the classroom so my precious friends can work in the boardroom. I know they are working so hard, and it's not fair to pit us against each other. I need them. They need me. And, well, I think we are all working pretty darn hard out here.

Thanks for your time!
Sincerely, a NON-WORKING mom of 3, Kari.

*authors note: I left out a ton of what I did yesterday, but I didn’t want to sound like I was bragging. :)

Another giggle video...

This baby apparently likes violence... :) LOVE THIS KID!

Video of Lil laughing!

Let's see if this works?! I have video of this little bit laughing... per usual...